Fellow bloggers take a stab at a classic children's book and tear it down, word by grimy little word, until they're satisfied with their steamrolling. It's all in good fun, but sometimes you just have to keep it real. And by keep it real, I mean explain how much you REALLY despise reading the same story over and over and over.... again.
Stephanie from Binkies and Briefcases hopped off the carousel so I could jump on and I'll move out of the way so Erin of Woof, Tweet, Waah can take a spin.
Without further ado, I present to you:
I'd like to start by saying that this book, albeit mildly disturbing, was essential in helping my daughter try new foods. Because, well, if the caterpillar can eat it, then so can she! However, Eric Carle is a, um, what's the word I'm looking for... Well, he has obviously experimented (heavily) with hallucinogens.
At first, everything is
Ok, fine, he's hungry. Ravenous, even. But I'm quite certain his little tummy would be satisfied with a leaf or a seed or something. Not in Mr. Carle's world! This crazy caterpillar continues, day by day, to eat through absurd amounts of fruit.
I don't know about you, but I can barely finish one pear...
I repeat, I can barely finish one!
This seems reasonable enough...
Alright, now he's just being ridiculous!
At this point, if the caterpillar hasn't keeled over from the rampant diarrhea he would have surely suffered from, he should, at the very least, have a full stomach.
This caterpillar has a serious case of the munchies and is obviously scooting through the forest screaming:
And that's just what he does. This crazy insect goes on a food bender and eats his way within inches of his own demise:
A sausage? Really, Eric?
Then something happens. The caterpillar plummets down from his crazy high he's been on and comes to his ever loving senses. He eats a green leaf.
This is where I nearly threw the book away. After a week of binge eating, how do you think you would feel? Well, Carle lays it all out there. Fat. You will feel fat and bloated.
Just like any food binging glutton, naturally, the caterpillar wants nothing more than to sleep it off. So he builds himself a cocoon and he falls into a deep, dark,
And he slept. Not for the night. Not even for the weekend. He slept for TWO WEEKS. Clearly, he needs an intervention. Oh, but no! No intervention needed, here. Because when the caterpillar emerges from his two week slumber, he is magically transformed into a beautiful butterfly!
The moral of this story: Bulimia makes you pretty.
To that I say, Caterpillar: Assassinated.